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Nice song but:
Your kick wasn't punchy enough, if you listen to any commercial stuff these days they won't be using kicks like these, you need to have more punch in the mid area and the high-lows to give it that drive and punch.
Your other percussion like your hats and rides didn't sound that dynamic, I've heard those samples before and it doesn't sound like anything has been done to them to mix them into the peice better. I would recommend EQing, managing there levels and adding slight reverb to give it more depth and prescence, right now they sound kinda flat.
Also, there's no real melody, you have a chord progression and a bassling but they haven't been used to create a unique melody, all you've done is chop/arp the chords and porta'd it.
There was that sweep at the end aswell, I think you should've used it throughout the song to emphasise the builds and the climaxes.
Anyway, good luck with future projects.